LandfallVoyages

There’s this cafe in Ensenada that has the best apple pie in the world. I mean that. The World. Ironic isn’t it? I don’t go there often because it’s as expensive as Starbucks but every once in a while it’s OK. Their pie is over four inches thick and it’s layered with cheese and when it’s warmed up it’s one of the best things that you will ever eat.

Today I decided to walk there because it’s the closest cafe to the boat and my friend Sabine had borrowed my bicycle. Since I was walking I decided to take the dog. Sounds good, right? Walk the dog to a cafe. No big deal.

Walking up the dock, Nala decided to take a  huge pee right in front of our neighbor’s steps that lead onto his boat. After the top of the ramp she dumped a huge shit right in front of Cruiseport Village’s doors. The doggie dump bag dispensers were all empty. In the office they told me that they were all out so I had to go scrounge through a trashcan to find something to pick up the shit.

OK, now we’re walking. Me & the dog. Walking, happy.

We covered a few blocks and turned on to Calle Primera, Ensenada’s nicest street. It’s so nice that they even paint the sidewalks to make them easy to clean. A few doors up Calle Primera there’s a lovely jewelery store and a tea shop. The pretty ladies that work there were standing out front chatting. Nala thought that would be the perfect time for shit number two in ten minutes. AWESOME! Then I got to watch the two pretty ladies watch me watch the dog take a shit RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BEAUTIFUL SIDEWALK! Of course I didn’t have a doggie dump bag in my pocket because I’ve been depending on the marina to supply my habit. I walked away in shame as they talked bad about me in Spanish for leaving it there proud and steaming, perfectly centered on the shiny sidewalk.

I raced to the cafe, tied the dog to a post, placed my order, stole a wad of napkins and hustled back to the fuming pile of shit that I was now the proud owner of and I did my best to not smear it all over my fingers or the sidewalk with those tiny napkins.

OK, Dog #2 #2 handled. After I dumped the dump and returned to the cafe I grabbed a newspaper and a magazine and after a minute the owner brought out my mocha and apple pie, sat it down on the table in front of me, I smelled the mocha and smiled. As I was picking up the fork to bite into the succulent apple pie the owner asked “Esta tu perro”? (Is that your dog?) I answered yes even though I should have disowned her by now. The owner pointed to a sign on the window that I had never noticed before.

NO PETS

There’s my apple pie and mocha, both looking at me and wanting me to eat them right then. And the owner looking at me like he’d just caught me stealing. I catch a whiff of the apple pie. Apples, cinnamon, and butter.

I asked the owner what I should do, I was unaware of his no pets policy and told him I was sorry. As I was considering how to ask in Spanish if he could wrap it up to go, he picked up the pie and mocha and said “You no pay, you go.” I left.

I didn’t kick the dog even once on the walk back home.