Typically, I drive about 85 MPH on the highways. I know it’s too fast but I don’t drink a lot, womanize, or gamble, so I must exhibit a flaw somewhere. Surprisingly I don’t get many tickets because I have radar. I don’t mean that I have a radar detector, I mean that I have radar. Cop radar. I can feel them up ahead. I know it sounds crazy and any of you might be justified if you insisted that I am crazy but I have tested this strange ability many times and my family and I all know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it’s true. You may try to maintain that Tamiko and Eli are crazy as well and again you could be correct but you’ll have to take that up with them.
Today I was driving too fast as usual Southbound on the 101. I was blazing along at about 85 in a 70 MPH zone and I began to feel it. It’s always the same. If I try too hard to feel it I ruin it and if I ignore it at all I will generally get a ticket so I pay attention but just not too much attention. So I felt it, this small feeling telling me it’s time to slow down for a bit. I waited and felt it again a few seconds later, time to slow down. I flipped off the cruise control and moved over to the slow lane and set the cruise for 72. You see, no cop in his right mind will pull you over if you’re going 2 MPH over the speed limit unless your head is on fire or something. If you’re going 85 you’re violating the law. If you’re going 65 in a 70 you’re afraid of getting pulled over for some reason, but if you’re going 2 MPH over the limit it’s clear that you’re not afraid, you’re confident. Tamiko looked over at me, know but still wondering why I abruptly began obeying the law. I told her that my trip odometer said 113 and that I wanted to see exactly how far up ahead the cop would be. If it’s not within 3 miles I don’t count it as a success because there’s a cop every 20 or 30 miles on the 101 anyway.
We watched the odometer and the road and bang! there he was, exactly 1.1 miles away from where I had first felt him. I’m over 80% accurate at this. Maybe 90%. Really.
I hope it works with pirates.
Twitter Updates
Can you teach me? I’m 2 tickets away from getting suspended. Have THE WORST luck. And I even had a laser “jammer”. Btw do you guys have twitter? Or something for a quick reply? The brother wants to say hi
We don’t have a twitter yet. You can call? I know it’s all old fashioned but we have one of those old-school cellphone thingies and your mom has our number.